When I was one and a half, I was adopted from Dianbai district in Guangdong, China. Throughout childhood, I never saw my race as a difference between me and the people around me—something I can only thank my parents for. I grew up in a white Polish Catholic household, lived in a white neighborhood, and went to a predominantly white Quaker school. My parents never made me feel like I was an “other.” Naturally, I received the occasional looks of unwanted sympathy or questions about my parents. But since I was five years old, I didn’t think anything of it.
I used to identify solely with my family and their culture because it was all I knew. However, I soon understood the world saw me as Chinese—a new and still undiscovered identity for me. I didn’t know what it meant to be Asian, especially in a society that has so many misconceptions and stereotypes about Asian people.
I came to college hoping understand more about who I am. However, it’s difficult to relate to the Asian and Asian-American students because we don’t share the same culture. Sometimes, feel I don’t belong. Among those who I do share culture with, they don’t assume that I had a similar upbringing since I look different, which leaves me feeling excluded again. It’s hard to know where to fit in, and that not knowing leaves me in a tug of war about my identity.
A white female friend I made here at school said something to me that made me reevaluate my identity. We were amidst a crowd of international Asian students when my friend turned to me and said “Yeah Violet, I don’t even see you as Asian.” The comment didn’t sit right with me and it made me think about whether I “seemed” Asian or if I was “Asian enough.” That interaction sparked my desire learn about who I am and show that I am proud of where I come from.
I’m grateful to attend a school with such a large international student population because it has helped guide me in the search for my identity. Meeting and talking with other students not only exposed me to my native culture, but also showed everyone identifies with their culture in different ways. The fact that I feel straddled is okay. Understanding who you are takes time.
Needless to say, I am a proud Asian woman. I am Asian enough.
